One of the hallmarks of the Boy Scouts of America is character development. How can you let a gay scout work for a decade on developing these values and then tell him by virtue of becoming an adult, you are unfit and a danger to children? Our children are simply judge to be unfit because of their sexuality and not on the content of their character they have developed with the Boy Scouts of America. What message does this send to our LGBTQ children and parents?
As a nation, can we not hope that one day our LGBTQ children will be judge on the content of their character and not on their sexuality? Instead we expose our children to a message that slowly murders their souls. "No matter what you do, how you treat others, or how you live your life, there is something about you that is disgusting, aberrant, and essentially unlovable. You are unacceptably flawed. This belief becomes internalized and can cause a debilitating and emotional disability.
This disability is caused by exposure to overwhelming shame at an age when you aren't psychologically equipped to cope with it. An emotional wound caused by toxic shame is a very serious and persistent disability that has the potential to literally destroy one's life. It is much more than just a poor self-image. It is the internalized and deeply held belief that you are somehow unacceptable, unlovable, shameful, and in short, flawed. It can cripple your sense of self and prevented you from following the normal, healthy stages of adolescent development.
Unlike children of other minority groups who have their parents, families, and community to help them cope and combat these false beliefs. Our LGBTQ children often do not have the support or understanding of their parents or families. Instead of support are often met with hostility and violence. As stated in previous blogs up to 40% of homeless teenagers in the nation are LGBTQ. [Read my blog Leprosy and Homosexuality for more information on homeless LGBTQ youth.]
The Boy Scouts of America in their policy against gay men further the myth that gay men are child molesters. The American Psychological Association has stated, "A perception that most perpetrators are gay men is a myth and harmful stereotype." The BSA's acknowledge their awareness of this fact in the evaluation of their new policy, but still chose to reinforce this bigoted notion that gay men are dangerous to children.
This stereotype is harmful to gay youth. I know this first hand. I was in middle school practicing the piano for my upcoming lesson when my mom placed her hand on my shoulder and said, "We just found out your cousin is a homosexual. Did he ever sexually touch you?" I felt the blood rush from my head and I started to feel woozy. I was ready to pass out. The answer was NO! But in that moment I knew what my mother thought of homosexuals. What she thought of me. [Read my blog Splitting to Avoid Shame for more information on this topic.]
I lived in fear from that moment forward that my parents would one day discover my secret, that I too was gay. So much pain and anguish came from that moment that was based on a myth and stereotype that my own mother had acquired from society. I know my mother regret that moment and now makes a point to challenge this false belief with her friends, family and co-workers.
I have spent time in therapy to combat the beliefs I had internalized about myself, that somehow I was unacceptable, unlovable, shameful, and in short, flawed. I was robed of the divine nature I was created in and through. I am a child of God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made in the image and likeness of God and I am Good! A message all children, regardless of their sexuality need to hear.
Peace and all good,
Brother Sun and Sister Moon
Personal Reflection:
Did you ever live in fear of your parents discovering your sexuality? What was that like growing up? How did you feel? Feel free to share your story in the comment spaces below.
