Avoiding Shame

Darkness enveloped.  Rain fell.  I stood motionless under the street lamp.  No longer capable of speaking, hearing, or feeling warmth.  "Please Lord, let it end," I said to myself.  "No," was his reply.   Exposure to overwhelming shame at an age when you are not psychologically capable of handling is disabling.  I was gay and faced with the undeniable reality that this wasn't going to change, despite mine and other's best efforts.  Depression took hold.

Coping with shame means finding a way - any way - to lessen the feelings of shame.  One of the most drastic means is suicide.  As I shared with you in the last post, [Love One Another] gay youth and young adults are 2 to 3 times more likely to commit suicide.  These are the years when shame is most acute, and we haven't yet learned healthier ways to avoid the devastating aspects of shame.  Our gay children are hit head-on with shame, and it feels overwhelming, and to many, mortally unbearable.

Most of us, including myself, found a less drastic way than suicide to avoid shame.  The first, and undoubtedly the most common way we avoided shame, was to deny our sexuality.  We simply acted as if we weren't gay.  After all, our logic went, if we didn't act gay, maybe we weren't.  My adventures into this strategy will be highlighted in upcoming blogs.  Let's just say this strategy simply brought more grief and shame.  But on the bright side will bring comic relief to this blog.

Let me end this blog on a more serious note...If you, your child, or friend is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts please visit the Trevor Project.  The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning youth.  Watch the below video for an introduction to The Trevor Project.

 

May the Lord bless you and keep you on this journey of faith called life.  May you always know that you are wonderfully and beautifully made in the image and likeness of God and you are good.

Peace and all good,
Brother Sun and Sister Moon

Personal Reflection:
What were some ways you tried to hide or deny your sexuality?   How did those behaviors make you feel?  Feel free to share your story in the comment spaces below.