"Thank
God, not another alcohol related gift," I said out loud. Laughter erupted as I opened my birthday card.
"Friends don't let friends drink and dress!" Apparently my friends
were picking up on a perception of how others were beginning to experience me.
The guy who loved his beer just a little too much!
 |
| "Friends don't let friends drink and dress!" |
Drinking
alcohol is one of the ways I learned to avoid shame. In fact, for some of us,
it is the only way we've learned to avoid shame. I would drink before dates
with my girlfriend to calm my anxiety. I would drink while hanging out with my
friends to feel more at ease with myself. It was my way to feel like I
belonged. That I wasn't alone.
Substance abuse unfortunately is a common avoidance strategy that many gay men learn at the early stage of denying one's sexual orientation. It's an epidemic among gay men. Studies have shown that, when compared with the general population, gay and bisexual men, lesbian, and transgender individuals are more likely to: Use alcohol and drugs; Have higher rates of substance abuse; Are less likely to abstain from alcohol and drug use; Are more likely to continue heavy drinking into later life.
Alcohol and drug use among homosexuals is often a reaction to the homophobia, discrimination, and/or violence they have experienced due to their sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian men and women often turn to substances to cope with their negative feelings. When it became clear to me that I was turning to alcohol to cope with my feelings of shame, I realized I needed to start to develop other coping strategies.
The co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and the author of the 12 Steps was Bill W. When Bill was twenty-two years old, a socially awkward and insecure person, he attended a party. He took his first drink, and then another. Writing about this experience, he said,
Substance abuse unfortunately is a common avoidance strategy that many gay men learn at the early stage of denying one's sexual orientation. It's an epidemic among gay men. Studies have shown that, when compared with the general population, gay and bisexual men, lesbian, and transgender individuals are more likely to: Use alcohol and drugs; Have higher rates of substance abuse; Are less likely to abstain from alcohol and drug use; Are more likely to continue heavy drinking into later life.
Alcohol and drug use among homosexuals is often a reaction to the homophobia, discrimination, and/or violence they have experienced due to their sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian men and women often turn to substances to cope with their negative feelings. When it became clear to me that I was turning to alcohol to cope with my feelings of shame, I realized I needed to start to develop other coping strategies.
The co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous and the author of the 12 Steps was Bill W. When Bill was twenty-two years old, a socially awkward and insecure person, he attended a party. He took his first drink, and then another. Writing about this experience, he said,
"I felt that I belonged where I was, belonged to life; I belonged to the universe; I was part of things at last. Oh, the magic of those first three or four drinks? I became the life of the party..."
Bill's first drink gave him what he most
needed at the time to survive: a sense of belonging. Seventeen years later,
Bill was still drinking. His doctor told Bill that he would probably go crazy
and die of alcoholism. One night, alone in his hospital room, Bill cried out in
desperation, "If there be a God, let him show himself to me now!"
Then,
"Suddenly my room blazed with an indescribable white light. I was seized with an ecstasy beyond description...For the first time I felt that I really belonged. I knew that I was loved and could love in return.
After this experience, Bill W. never took
another drink. The accounts of Bill's first drink and his hospital room
conversion are very similar. He even uses the same words to describe both
experiences: "I felt that I belonged." I think that is what gay men
and lesbian women are looking for a sense that, "We belong and we are
loved and can love in return." Unfortunately society often tells us
something else, "You are not loved and the love you experience for the
same gender is not real." Is it any wonder that so many gay men and women
turn to alcohol and other drugs?
To my heterosexual brothers and sisters it's
important to know that by creating environments of love, support and acceptance
you'll help your gay and lesbian brothers and sisters experience a sense of
belonging; that they are loved and capable of loving. To my homosexual brothers
and sisters we must learn to find other ways to cope with the stressors of
being gay in a straight man's world or we will continue to fall victim to the
consequences of substance abuse.
We must root ourselves in the truth, that
first and most, we are made in the image and likeness of God and we are
good. We are His children and we belong
to Him:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
Peace and all good,
Brother Sun and Sister Moon
Brother Sun and Sister Moon
Visit Alcoholic Anonymous for support in dealing with and recovering from Alcohol Addiction. Download A.A. and the Gay/Lesbian Alcoholic for more information on this issue.
Personal Reflection:
Recall a time you used alcohol or other drugs to cope with negative feelings of growing up gay in a straight man's world. How did you feel? Feel free to share your story in the comment spaces below.
Personal Reflection:
Recall a time you used alcohol or other drugs to cope with negative feelings of growing up gay in a straight man's world. How did you feel? Feel free to share your story in the comment spaces below.
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